Ok so I’ll make this as easy to follow as possible.
Once upon a time, this arrogant prick of a Dr. became the baddest super wizard in all of Marvel Comics. He’s the guy with the Alan Thicke frosted temples.
Readers and other super heroes pretended that they liked him but they really just liked his hot girl friend and his…Asian Manservant.
Anyway, he went away and fans were all like “bring back the prick doctor!”
Marvel would bring him back and fans were happy because not they could hate him again.
So he went away again and this time he left behind the title of bestest magic guy i the whole MEGAVERSE or whatever.
This other dude comes along and picks it up. His name is Voodoo. Because that’s what he does. Voodoo.
Fans flip the hell out.
“I have always love Dr. Voodoo!” etc, which is a lie. No one really liked Dr. Voodoo anymore than they liked “Man-Ape” or “Rocket Racoon.”
(I did like the Racoon though)
So Dr. Voodoo is the new NEW best magic using guy in the entire mega-multi-layered-exo-verse and fans were THRILLED.
They were so thrilled that when Dr. Voodoo got his own comic, it was canceled before the 3rd issue had hit comic shop shelves.
“Oh you mean if we like the character then we should BUY his book…”
Canceled.
That’s the background. I’m a little pissed because Voodoo has only worked his way into the job of high magic dude relatively recently but guess what?
In the latest issue of a comic NOT STARRING Dr. Voodoo, there is a plot central to Dr. Voodoo in which Dr. Voodoo is basically eaten by a giant magic space cloud mere moments after Wolverine does magical battle with it.
Yes. Wolverine magically battles the giant magical space cloud.
Then Dr. Voodoo gets eaten by it and is now dead.
I’m calling bullshit. I’m a little tired of comic book and movie writers going for the “Magical Negro Plot” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_negro when they just don’t know what to do with that brotha in the story.
This is not a scream of racism. This is a scream of missed opportunities.
I have failed to mention that also present for the last 5 issues or so was the Son of Satan, in nothing but a pair of cargo pants. He served no purpose other than to be really smug at the crowd after the amazing and superficially beloved Dr.Voodoo was eaten.
Something like, “You people suck now stay on the Northside with your Sushi and your Merlot!”
Ok, that last bit was actually said by a White Sox fan in a donut shop on the south side of Chicago after the White Sox won the Worlds Series in 2005. He was talking to Cubs fans…and anyone else watching WGN Morning news that day…
Anyway, why didn’t the glowy space cloud eat The Son of Satan? Why I ask you? He wasn’t important to the plot OR even the Marvel Universe. He couldn’t even be bothered to wear a damn shirt the the super hero vs. space cloud fight.
In fact, with him around you know what we had? One too many Superheroes always standing around shirtless just to show us his boss chest tattoo!
Can we please end this magical negro bullshit before someone decides it’s a good idea write an X-Men story about the end of the world just to have Robbie Robertson of the Daily Bugle walk on screen to explain to Warren Worthington III that there is a point to the Story of Icarus just as some giant robot crushes Robbie’s Pick up truck to pieces.
Done!
